Growing Up As A Third Culture Kid (Part 1)

Getting stranded in the middle of the Arabian desert is one of my most unforgettable childhood memories. It was nighttime, and I was on my way home from camping by the Red Sea together with my family and my father's co-workers. The journey was long! 5-year-old me dozed off as our caravan of Filipino migrants traversed the desert. When I opened my eyes, the car was parked in the middle of nowhere and all I saw was total darkness. There wasn't a single ray of light coming from anywhere. Everything was black.

"Mama, where are you? Why did we stop?" I asked.

"We ran out of gas," I heard her say in a voice that sounded pissed and nervous about the possibility of, you know, getting attacked by jihadists.

"But what if scorpions get into the car?" I cried.

"Hindi! Matulog ka na, ni-lock ko na 'yung mga pinto!"

In the Country But Not of the Country

The opportunity to talk about my Arabian desert experience never came up in conversations with most of my peers because a lot of them have never been to the Middle East. On the other hand, I lived in Saudi Arabia for almost a year. I moved back to the Philippines to study here. Then I got to live in Canada for a few months when I was 19 and 20 years old. I flew back to Manila because I was almost done completing my college degree, which is an internationally-accredited one.

Such experiences make me a third culture kid (TCK). Dr. Ruth Hill Useem says that TCKs, whether they may be currently children or adults, spent a significant period of their childhood in a place where the culture is different from the "first culture" in their country of origin. They then grow up in the "second cultures" of the foreign places where they live. TCKs consequently develop a "third culture" of their own, which is comprised of worldviews and lifestyles that are a hybrid of the first and second cultures.

I didn’t get to move around as frequently as other TCKs. I also didn’t stay in a foreign country for more than a year. Nevertheless, I lived long enough in Saudi Arabia and Canada in my youth for me to develop a third culture.

Back in the Desert

When I was in Saudi Arabia, we couldn’t leave the house without my dad because the imams demanded all women and children to be accompanied by their adult male guardians. My mom had to wear a black abaya because it was considered haram for women to don clothing that showed their figure. Even I, a 5-year-old kid, had to wear an abaya in a few places in Al-Jawf, where we lived.

Filipinos in Saudi practiced their Judeo-Christian religions secretly at home because the police would arrest us if we worshiped out in the open. I liked listening to Kids’ Praise Kids back then, and had to keep the volume to a minimum lest my family got subjected to honor killings.

Back then, I also heard far too many stories of Arabian and Filipino women getting abused by their husbands. Yet no one came to their rescue because the Saudi institutions systematically discriminate against women. They also couldn’t fend for themselves because they were financially dependent on their male relatives. Even at dinner parties, the men got to choose the food first before the women and children could eat. In the Philippines, Filipinos openly practice their religions and hold grand festivals. Both men and women have equal protection under the law. Except for a few cultural groups, Filipino women have the same opportunities as the men.

Were there some things that I liked about Saudi Arabia? Yes, there were! Camping by the Red Sea was enjoyable. And the lobsters were yummy! I liked Saudi’s spicy counterpart of Pringles. I also remember Riyadh being a city of bright lights with many luxuries. I also thought that camels were nice pets even if they smelled awful. I’ll never forget the jewelry stores that sold some of the most beautiful treasures I’ve ever seen. Finally, the locals were friendly and welcoming, contrary to the stereotypes of them being a bunch of terrorists.

A Politically Correct Bible Belt?

The lifestyle was quite different when I came to Canada. We migrated to Manitoba, which is Canada’s Bible Belt. Hence, we Filipinos could do whatever we wanted. There were church picnics left and right even when the snow was just starting to melt. The cost of living was relatively low (at least in Manitoba), so the rich and the poor could enjoy many of the same privileges — except when they chose to go astray despite all the free benefits.

Unlike me though, Canadians in their late teens were independent from their parents. Many of them lived on their own and worked part-time to pay for college. A lot were fully employed with only their high school diplomas. I, on the other hand, depended on my family for survival. I lived with relatives in Winnipeg, while the Philippine government subsidized my university education in my home country.

I enjoyed Canada! I miss how much Vancouver and Winnipeg smelled like vanilla, especially during the winter. But even back then, I could already feel political correctness permeating through Canadian life because people were careful to say “Happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. Christmas seasons in the Philippines were (are) way happier because they are unashamedly religious and family-oriented despite being commercialized.

There are many other stories about living abroad that I can share — life experiences that gave me interests and perspectives that I probably would not have gained if I was exposed only to a single culture. I’ll delve more into that in Part 2.

(Photo by Hasan Almasi)