Here’s an important writing tip: don’t pander to anyone. Not to Christians, social justice warriors, Koreaboos, or to your mother. Don’t even pander to yourself. Just tell the truth! This applies even in fiction, from short stories to screenplays for movies and TV dramas. Your writing will come off as inauthentic If you lie to the audience mainly to make them feel good about themselves (or to feel good about yourself). A great example of how disastrous contrived fiction writing can be is the screenplay of XO, Kitty.
XO, Kitty is a teen Netflix series about Katherine (“Kitty”) Song-Covey, a Korean-American student at the Korean Independent School of Seoul (KISS). Her deceased mother was Korean, while her father is American and lives with her in Portland. Kitty applies to KISS to be with her boyfriend Dae, a top student at the same school. When Kitty moves to South Korea though, she discovers that Dae is not exactly how she imagined him to be.
If you’re a relatively healthy tita like me, you can just turn your brain off and have a good laugh as you watch this silly series. Then you’ll go on your merry way. The problem is that XO, Kitty is aimed at teenagers. Even kids ages 7-10 years old might watch this because children like to dabble with grownup stuff to feel like adults. When you’re that impressionable, you might watch this series and imbibe the following lies:
Lie # 1: Everyone has a person (i.e., romantic partner), and you’ll feel incomplete without one.
Kids, when you’re teenagers, almost all (if not all) of you haven’t found the right person even if you feel like you have. Your values and preferences will still change. When that happens, you wouldn’t want to be trapped in a relationship with another person whose lifestyle you abhor because their worldview is in opposition to yours.
So don’t date unless you’re financially independent and have a general idea of where you want to be in life as well as solid criteria for a prospective spouse. That’s why the “Get your college degree first before dating” rule is very much alive in Asia, even in the Philippines. I’m inclined to think that it’s even more so among South Korean parents given that their country has one of the most rigorous education systems in the world. Sadly, XO, Kitty refuses to capture that in Season 1.
Lie # 2: Some children are born LGBTQ++.
Gender confusion is natural during one’s childhood because it's a period of rapid brain development. That doesn’t mean that you were born gay! The scientific fact is that there are only two pairs of sex chromosomes: XY for males and XX for females. Moreover, emotions can be due to subconscious beliefs, past traumas, or even hormones.
Feelings of attraction alone are therefore an unreliable gauge of who you should be romantically involved with. They’re also an insufficient basis for forming one’s identity.
Kids are too immature to choose gender expressions that deviate from their biological sexes because doing so has irreversible damaging consequences. Experiencing attraction to the same sex should instead be an opportunity to train one’s impulses because self-control is an important life skill that predicts success. It will also teach kids to make decisions based on facts, not on fleeting emotions.
Lie # 3: You can change a toxic person by loving them.
By “toxic”, I’m not mainly referring to Minho, although he's certainly a red flag. In this show, Kitty is the biggest jerk! She’s very cruel to Minho: she gives him bad food, ruins his party, stays in his dorm unit despite his protests, uses his things without permission, and gossips about his secret to the entire school.
Moreover, Kitty is horrible to Dae. She has the temerity to harbor self-righteous anger against her boyfriend when Dae was trapped into making bad decisions — only for her to be in a “some” with Yuri, who stole Dae in the first place! The boys fall in love with her anyway because the writers want to indulge their adolescent audiences' penchant for people with high dark triad traits. Otherwise, it’s not logical for someone with Dae and Minho’s character profiles to fall in love with Kitty.
It should be emphasized though that Minho IS also terrible. The show implies that he is promiscuous, a trait that is associated with infidelity in a relationship. Ladies should stay away from guys like this, unless they change for the better for the sake of doing what’s right.
Lie # 4: It’s good when teachers treat their students like their buddies.
Alex, the teens’ chemistry teacher and class advisor, allows his students to act as if he’s just their friend. The writers also portray him as the greenest flag among the guys in the series. I actually have this theory that he and Kitty will be endgame because their relationship dynamic has many similarities with what happened in Emma (I didn’t finish reading the book, although I’m familiar with the plot).
In chapter 38 of the Jane Austen novel, Emma tells Mr. Knightley (her friend and mentor, which is Alex’s role in Kitty’s life) that it’s not improper for them to dance in a romantic way because they’re not siblings. Emma then marries Mr. Knightley in the end. XO, Kitty, on the other hand, reiterates that Alex is not Kitty's biological brother. Alex is also the only one who can straighten Kitty out while also encouraging her, like what Mr. Knightley did for Emma. On the other hand, Kitty gives Alex what he has always wanted, which is a sense of belonging in his native country.
They also have enough similarities that make for a good foundation in a relationship: they’re both gyopos with Western values who are figuring out what it means to be Korean. And I feel like THIS IS GOING TO BE BAD! Why? Again, if you’re mostly a healthy grownup like me, Kitty dating Alex once she’s legally an adult will just be an amusing plot twist provided that he wasn’t grooming her as a teen.
But if kids watch this, they might get conditioned into thinking that it’s healthy when their teachers treat them like their equal peers. The opposite is true! Teachers can potentially lose the objectivity and authority that they need to educate students if they act like they're buddies. They might even become too casual around their students to the point that they engage in offensive behaviors. Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld found themselves in this kind of a mess despite being celebrity Yale professors, and perhaps despite their good intentions. If it can happen to them, it can happen to lowly lecturers like me!
Worst of all, some teachers use their friendships with the students as cover to groom romantic prospects. I’ve personally witnessed this. In one incident, we became terrified of this teacher because he went around flirting with female students. Then there was another incident when a teacher courted one of my classmates in the guise of mentoring her. The latter still has serious repercussions to this day.
I personally have gotten inappropriate attention from male teachers when I was a teenager. I believe what spared me from becoming a victim were the strict Biblical guidelines on romantic relationships as well as the “Get your college degree first before dating” rule. Sadly, many kids don’t have the kind of guidance that I had. Instead, they have shows like XO, Kitty sowing delusions in their minds — lies that can have devastating consequences.
(Photo by Susan Wilkinson)
This must be published in campus journals!!